Introduction
Expectation is something that enters a relationship sooner or later. Every individual will have some expectations regarding their dating partner. It is good to have expectations, but not high expectations, as having high expectations of or for someone is unrealistic and may end up in crushing disappointment and a sense of wasted time.
It is not to say that you should not have expectations, but rather your expectations should be realistic. Your expectations should not be uniform; remember, individuals are different. Their thinking and approach will be different, and you cannot apply the expectations of person A to person B.
You have to understand that each personality is different and modify your expectations accordingly. In other words, your expectations should be based on the person and should not be preconceived. Many of us set a high benchmark when it comes to things like religion, ethics, and attitude, whereas others may have low or no expectations.
It is not good to lower your expectations as you stand a greater chance of being taken advantage of or settling for less. You should not be extremely passive, acquiescing to every demand, nor overly dominating. This can cause trouble in your relationship or even on your first date.
It is better to seek out someone who shares your expectations, believes in them, and follows them. Any physical intimacy holds the chance of pregnancy, so it is better to be prepared for that eventuality by taking preventive actions such as contraceptive pills, condoms, etc. However, abstinence until you are sure is still the best way to go about it.
Understanding Vs. Realism
You can be happy with a person who is compatible with your missions, thoughts, and attitude. He need not be from your part of the world or even from the same cultural background. If he has the personality, habits, and beliefs that meet your expectations, you can take the relationship forward. But if he is not the type suited for you, it is better to move on.
Do not settle for less. Do not settle with someone who will not treat you right or someone who is going to let you down. You will be setting yourself up for failure in the relationship if you settle for less. Expectations will help you sort out your life, helping you meet the right person rather than the person who is available.
Having expectations is one thing, and being realistic is another very important factor. You have to understand that not everyone will be willing to change for you, nor will they try to live up to your standards. You should know where to draw the line. You should know what you want and not what you aspire to. Set yourself some dating goals, check and re-check to see whether they are realistic and can be met. If so, make them your dating goals; if not, rework them until they are achievable and something you truly want.
Internet Quotes
“In 2011, Mark Brooks, a consultant to online-dating companies, published the results of an industry survey titled ‘How Has Internet Dating Changed Society?’ The survey responses, from 39 executives, produced the following conclusions:
‘Internet dating has made people more disposable.’
‘Internet dating may be partly responsible for a rise in the divorce rates.’
‘Low quality, unhappy and unsatisfying marriages are being destroyed as people drift to Internet dating sites.’
‘The market is hugely more efficient – People expect to…and this will be increasingly the case over time…access people anywhere, anytime, based on complex search requests…Such a feeling of access affects our pursuit of love…the whole world (versus, say, the city we live in) will, increasingly, feel like the market for our partner(s). Our pickiness will probably increase.’
‘Above all, Internet dating has helped people of all ages realize that there’s no need to settle for a mediocre relationship.’”
- Dan Slater, A Million First Dates: Solving the Puzzle of Online Dating
“The dating world makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. You put yourself out there earnestly as available only to encounter some of the most disingenuous people. There seems to be no formula. Just a boatload of anxiety. Did I do this right? Will he call? If I just say I like him, will it backfire because he will know he doesn’t have to earn my time and attention anymore? How do people do this? Seriously, how?”
- Alafia Stewart
“It’s my Prom King, Brett. He’s tapping at the window, wanting me to roll it down or to get out of the car – what an image that would be. How will I ever live that down? I can’t even see myself laughing about it twenty years from now. If the neighbors walk past, they’ll probably report me to social services. I can hear them on the phone now, ‘She’s too lazy to even go to the bathroom; she just sits in her car.’”
- P. K. Darling, Virtually Me: A Romantic Comedy
Use Authenticated Sites Only
If you surf through the internet, you will come across many dating sites. The reality is that there are hundreds of dating sites with new ones being added every day. It is better to go with a reputed and authenticated site as they will have good credentials, and you are more likely to meet serious suitors.
A free site may seem attractive, but remember they are free and open for all. You can never be sure about the validity of the information provided, and few would be in for casual dating. A paid site guarantees quality dates.
Advantages of Paid Sites
Free dating sites sometimes have downloads that can contain malicious software, wreaking havoc on your system and stealing personal information. Bookmark the top ten sites as verified by Google. You can purchase credits or select a viable monthly plan that fits your budget and start messaging people you are interested in. A reputed and large website may offer discounts for higher plans, ensuring you do not have to worry about monthly payments.
Almost all websites offer features such as private messaging, forum discussions, snail mail, inboxing, or instant messaging. You can get to know a person through chats and messaging before going on an actual date. The advantage of a paid site is that it is regularly maintained by a tech team who ensure no bugs or glitches hamper your experience. Customer support is always available to help. Paid sites allow you to block unwanted members and will not misuse your email address.
Precautions Before and During Dating
Personal Information
Exercise caution while giving out your personal information to strangers. There is no reason to share your hometown, where you grew up, or where you work on your first date. Overloading information can overwhelm your date and leave them confused, as they may not be willing to share their personal information. Discuss current topics and explore each other’s interests without being pushy. Take things slowly and only provide personal information when you feel safe and know the person better.
Setting Up the Rendezvous
Meet in a public place; the more public it is, the safer you are. Avoid first dates in secluded spots, at their home, a hotel, or a car. These are the worst places to meet a stranger and leave you defenseless if they turn out to be a predator.
If you encounter aggressive or violent individuals, it is better to make a logical excuse to leave without triggering their temper. Call them later to explain the reason or avoid them in the future. If unsure about a candidate, consider a double date with a friend for safety.
Concluding
There is no reason to stay alone for the rest of your life, moping and waiting for a reluctant partner to walk into your life. There is no reason to cut yourself off from social life due to shyness, resigning yourself to loneliness. The dating scene is vibrant, and you can meet your soulmate without much effort or exposing your weaknesses.
Several guidelines are provided in this book. Read through and follow them for a happy, active social life. Go and find your soulmate today!
Dr. Amanda Stone is a renowned psychotherapist and BDSM educator with over 15 years of experience in the field of human sexuality. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and has dedicated her career to exploring the intersections of mental health, sexuality, and spirituality. Dr. Stone is a passionate advocate for the healing potential of BDSM and regularly conducts workshops and seminars to educate individuals and couples on safe, consensual, and spiritually enriching BDSM practices.