Healing from a Breakup: Steps to Move Forward

By: Dr. Laura Bennett , a certified Reiki Master and holistic sexuality counselor

Introduction

There are many ways to come to terms with the reality of a breakup. Accepting the situation will boost your self-confidence and enable you to pick yourself up and move on. Avoid negative thinking at all costs, as it can harm your well-being and won’t change the situation. Instead, focus on positive thoughts, which will help you bounce back from the breakup more quickly and easily.

It’s essential to let go of past memories. Along with the memories, ensure you remove all things from the past like gifts you received on special occasions such as anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and birthdays. This will prepare you to move forward with your future, where there is more potential for a new relationship.

Explore new activities you have never challenged yourself with before. Get outdoors as much as possible and indulge in adventurous activities like hiking, trekking, running, and mountain climbing. Set goals and achieve something in life that you have never attempted before. In a short while, you will realize that a breakup is just a small part of a vast and vibrant life.

Sign up for a fitness plan. Join a gym or fitness club where you can meet similar people with similar goals. Simultaneously, keep thoughts of the breakup out of your mind and focus on your present and future goals. This will help you feel better and alive with a clearer state of mind.

If you are still unable to get over the breakup, try to imagine the flaws and drawbacks of your ex. Remind yourself of all the setbacks that could have happened if the relationship had continued, such as a lack of understanding, unromantic behavior, or nagging talks.

Lessons Learned from the Past

It’s true that nobody enjoys a breakup; it’s a stressful and challenging time for both partners. However, look at the brighter side. You should have learned something new from being in the relationship. Someday in the future, you will laugh at yourself for the silly things you did during the frenzy of the breakup.

Ideally, after a breakup, people become better at choosing a suitable partner. Your choices become more intelligent, backed by the experience gained from past mistakes. The choices you make will surpass looks and attractions, focusing instead on true love, affection, and mutual respect.

You will have learned how a partner should treat the other in a relationship. You will strive for more understanding, leading to happiness for both people. Encouragement and compliments will flow naturally, and you will avoid unnecessary and pointless remarks about your partner. The failed relationship will benefit you in the future, making you stronger and more resilient if you face another breakup. Your experience and recovery from the present breakup will shield you from more damage and encourage you to move forward as if nothing happened.

In a good relationship where partners respect each other, there is love and care. Proper communication leads to a better public life, free of complications. You will learn to respect and consider another person’s time, space, and privacy. You know that others also have the right to speak out. A relationship helps you understand yourself better, and you will no longer be defined by one person or see yourself mirrored by your partner. You will gain a better understanding of your own mistakes and flaws, helping you become a better person.

Quit Playing the Blame Game

The first lesson in surviving a breakup is to forget the past. Do not let negative emotions from the past disturb your peace of mind and daily activities. Imagine forgiving your ex. The act of forgiveness is a significant act of compassion that will release you from the bond of human emotions. It’s not fair to blame one person solely for the breakup. Both parties share the relationship equally, so the breakup is also due to the actions of both parties.

Admit that the breakup is not entirely due to your ex’s mistakes. Similarly, do not fill yourself with regret for being solely responsible for the breakup. Stop asking yourself why things went wrong and stop imagining how things could have been done right. After a breakup, if reconciliation is impossible, stop worrying about it and focus on how you can move on and find peace and calm. Stop looking back at the past where everything went wrong.

Delete all previous emails, text conversations, and other memories of chats with your ex permanently. These are stumbling blocks on your path to a better future where you can find a better partner. Take the good cues from the relationship and discard the rest. Remember the good times and shared laughs, and forget the days of fighting and pressure from a strained relationship and subsequent breakup. The future holds great prospects, and the lessons learned from the broken relationship will help you become a better person.

Maintain Distance from Your Ex

One way to protect yourself from serious heartbreak is to stay away from your ex. This will help you forget the emotions that are now constrained after the breakup. A personal meeting can reignite the relationship and lead to complications that are best avoided.

Although staying away from your ex is easier said than done, if you try persistently, you will be able to control your emotions and break free from the craving to meet and reconnect. Build your willpower and discipline your mind and thoughts not to think about getting back into the relationship. If your ex tries to get in touch with you, politely slip away from it. Avoid all communication that could restart the whole affair. Ignore requests for meetings and avoid face-to-face situations with your ex.

It is also wise to stay away from your ex’s close friends and relatives, who might remind you of forgotten memories. Stick to your future plan, avoid confrontations with past relationship issues, and keep yourself busy with fitness plans, new strengths, and hobbies. This will leave you little or no time to rekindle hurtful emotions of your ex.

Listen to advice from friends and family but take only the sensible ones. Ignore rumors, as their intention is to spread lies about genuine people. Avoid negativity and prevent confronting them by excusing yourself when a topic is brought up.

Jot Down Your Feelings

Writing is recognized as the best way to release bottled-up emotions, especially those from a recent breakup. Pick up a diary and write down every detail that comes to mind about your ex and the relationship. Your diary can be a scrapbook, a journal, a simple notebook, or anything you can carry around and write in occasionally.

Once you put your feelings into words, you will feel a lot better and relieved from hurtful sentiments like anger, sorrow, depression, and stress. Writing will help you gain control of your life. There is no specific time to write in your journal. Write whenever possible, whether before going to sleep, after waking up, during tea breaks, or during solitary moments.

Writing is a creative activity that sharpens and improves your intelligence. There are no specific rules for how to write your feelings. You can write them as phrases, essays, or even poems. Explore your hidden talents with words, and you will soon recover from the pain of the breakup and evolve as a sensible writer.

Writing is a mental booster that helps you understand life and past relationships better. Fill your diary with daily entries of happenings, however small or insignificant they may be. In the future, when you read your entries, you will understand how life has evolved for the better. Writing is essential for someone suffering from a breakup. It is okay to miss a day or two. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Keep your diary or journal private to avoid people peeking into it. Sharing your diary with people you trust is fine, provided you can trust them with your secrets.

Developing a Support System of Friends and Family

No matter how difficult life gets, some people will never let you down: family and friends. After a breakup, set up a support system with these people who can understand your emotional distress and help you regain your mental serenity. Acknowledge that friends and family are the most important people in your life, whether you are in a relationship or not.

Your family loves and cares for you the most. Your friends know you inside out, spending most of your life with you. They are in a better position to understand your sorrow and can give you the best advice and support to regain your happiness. Their advice can be trusted since they know you well and understand your interests.

Family and true friends will always protect you from toxic relationships. They will be there to snap you out of gloomy days by taking you out for an outing or vacation to have a good time. Your problems and sorrows are important to them, and they will go to any extent to make you feel good and comfortable despite the breakup. Never neglect or underestimate the importance of family and friends who are avid listeners to all your problems.

Staying Committed and Engaged

A common mistake to avoid after a breakup is to wallow in negative thoughts. If you keep indulging in these dangerous emotions, it will soon become a habit that deepens your worries and disparages your future. Losing a partner you loved does not mean the end of life. With the breakup comes an opportunity to excel in life.

Get committed to your dreams and break away from the shackles of sorrow. Focus your energy on things that matter and improve your standard of life. Work towards a promotion or salary hike, develop a new hobby, or try your hand at art, known to be pacifying.

Consider relocating to a new city or place, which will keep you away from memories of your ex. Take advantage of better job opportunities, new cultures, lifestyles, and a new atmosphere that can revive you. You can direct more attention to work without domestic distractions.

Engage in playful activities that awaken the kid in you. Join adventure groups, social gatherings, and social service activities to expose yourself to different people and varied perspectives. Recognize that your emotional and spiritual form has elevated completely after such exposure.

Keeping engaged in an activity will boost your self-confidence, ceasing the low self-esteem a breakup might create. You will mature as a person, becoming whole with additional recreational and social activities that were absent during your relationship. Staying busy will help you avoid damaging habits like smoking, drinking, or drug abuse.

Stop worrying about the future, as it is yet to happen and can be altered with your activities. Stay hopeful of meeting a better partner who may come when least expected. Your career success will also prove to your ex that you have moved on for the better.

Self-Care and Self-Love

Breakups can drain anyone emotionally and physically. Learning that someone you loved no longer loves you is painful. However, it is not the end of everything. It is a beginning to find who you really are. It is time to uplift your spirit and soar high with dreams and aspirations of a future after surviving the breakup.

The first step to starting your life from scratch is to take care of yourself. Show self-love and self-care. Take good care of your health to avoid falling sick. Negative emotions can induce health hazards, jeopardizing your daily life.

Avoid self-destructive habits like smoking, alcohol, and drug abuse, hoping to find salvation. These habits will only worsen the situation for you and your loved ones. Remember that your family and friends still love and care for you.

After a breakup, do not rush into another relationship. Love is not a toy to be played with; it is fragile and can hurt if broken. Give yourself time to come to terms with reality and the new life. Allow self-respect and stop trying to get back with your ex. Save yourself from experiencing low self-esteem by living a dignified life.

It is okay to cry after a breakup. It will help release bottled emotions. But don’t keep crying for too long. Dust yourself off and get back to your daily routines as soon as possible. Getting over the breakup and becoming normal will be a great relief for yourself and those around you. Always think of things that made you happy other than your ex. Focus on positive thoughts and actions.

Marking a New Beginning and Starting Life

The ideal way to escape pain and depression is by staying positive and thinking positive thoughts. Positive thinking will help you recover from a breakup sooner than expected and benefit those around you, your family, and your work. Positive thinking is about staying hopeful for a bright future where everything will work out for the best.

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable in your current situation, break away. Move out, be independent, and settle where you are free of distractions. Sign up for an international degree or try for overseas employment opportunities. Relocating can help you analyze life from a better perspective.

Invest in knowledge and broaden your intellectual horizons. Invest time and energy in reading great books that will expand your mind and encourage you to think of better ways to improve your life. All the time you used to invest in your partner can now be used to learn a new language, pick up cooking skills, play a new sport, or get that coveted post-graduation degree.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself with spa sessions, massage therapies, yoga, meditation practices, or anything that will boost your self-confidence and make you feel your inner beauty. Participate in social gatherings and meetings to widen your social circle. You will feel more socially and emotionally encouraged and be able to meet new friends and possibly a partner too.

Find new friends in your workplace or business environment and engage in casual outings with them during leisure hours. Spend a day browsing shopping bazaars with your female friends to learn more about their feelings and emotions.

Once you feel completely free from your previous relationship, resolve to find a better partner or stay single until you are ready for a relationship. Don’t feel sad or down if another breakup happens. Be prepared to face all consequences.

Conclusion

Some breakups may have tragic endings, featuring domestic violence, violation of personal rights, financial settlement, and sometimes social embarrassment. Some people are so attached to their partners that they feel isolated and clueless about how to survive the breakup. If nothing in this book has helped you survive the breakup, it is time to seek professional counsel and support from a psychiatrist.

Do not feel ashamed to visit a psychiatrist. Mental health is as important as physical health, and psychiatrists are doctors who cure emotional ailments instead of physical ones. A professional counselor will provide you with the best advice and medical support if required to help you recover from the tragedy. They will restore you to your previous self and help you master your life.

Counseling will cure you of depression and distress, helping you rid yourself of tormenting emotions. Periodic counseling sessions will revive you from negative thoughts and emotions and help you adopt a positive and confident way of living. You will understand yourself better and take control of your aggression or timidity. You will feel free from your bondages and discard all addictions. Healthy routines will become part of your normal life, and you will start living with renewed energy.